I try to save my jealousy and resentment for responses to the deliberate behavior of others, instead of wasting it on accidents of fate or timing.
Recognize the person in front of you also has a story. This doesn’t always work, but many times showing compassion can yield compassion in return. Or at least some distant cousin of it. And when it doesn’t? It’s okay to walk away. We don’t owe anyone a relationship. Dignity and respect? Yes. It costs little to share, and frankly I think it’s a lot more costly NOT to respect someone’s inherent dignity, for you, for them and for society. But we don’t owe anyone our story or time or friendship, and if you can walk away, and think “that person’s walk must be really hard,” it’s actually a lot easier than stewing over what they’ve said or done.
“Can’t” is the response to every suggestion
In therapy, can’t is harder to overcome than just about anything else. I’m not talking about I can’t speak Mandarin, but can’t as far as coping skills and activities and future plans. I can’t do this, I can’t do that. It’s truly debilitating when you think about it. When someone it really means, “that would be difficult,” or “I choose not to”, the person using it is stuck.
When trauma happens, there’s a fissure between then and now. I’ve had the sense that I’m a different person before and after and I’ve heard this echoed from others. Most people who experience a trauma event don’t develop PTSD, but for most everyone recovery can still take some time while we sort ourselves out.
And all set up with internet-it feels great to be back online.
Accra is a wonderful city and I haven’t seen nearly enough yet!
Therapists should be able to meet their clients where they are, and help you find your truest self, BE your truest self. If you can better communicate through color or movement or rhythm, seize that!